The Effed Up Chronicles
by Dexterthecaterpiller
Summary: Okay, chapter six up, just letting you know, this shows up in romance but it's not that romantic. I'm not focring you to, but PLEASE REVEIW AND TELL ME WHATCHA THINK!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One 

Yay! A Ffcc ficcy! This is stupid things that I have done, and/or thought about starring my friends! With our nicknames! Yay! And other caravans based on my games! Yeah! Disclaimer: If you've seen it before, it doesn't belong to me. Okay, here we go.

An #2: Don't make fun of the names, they're from when I played games. So... yeah. Just laugh at them like they're made up for the story.

Athens Caravan Tommie: Wolfie selkie, (girl), loves Green Day, has black fingernails, and wears all black... Selkie clothes. Has a bad habit of daydreaming when she should be doing something important.

Chomper: Shark-eyes selkie that dyed her hair black, Tommie's 'Partner in crime'.

J: Cowlick clavat, obsessed with every girl, dyed his hair black and has green eyes. Stoner, but not very public about it.

Mikey: Headband clavat, and mostly restrains J from the girls.

Mika Caravan

AAA: Some people call him tripple A, but most people, including myself, call him Tripp. Shark eyed selkie, very attractive.

Cali: Name is short for Caliona, elegant Lilty, short temper.

Bobobo: Name is pronounced Bobobuh, his close friends call him Bee. One horned Yuke. Very quiet.

BBB: Tripp's twin, but he has purple hair, not blue. People call him Chase. Don't ask why. Just nod in agreement!

Egypt Caravan (Okay, I know, Green day names, you're thinking Oh my gosh, don't do that, but I'm using names I had in games I've done.)

Tre: Headband Clavat, blue eyes, perverted (every good ffcc fic has one!), constantly tapping things rythmically. (Naw duh, he's fashioned after a drummer!)

Billy Joe: Just like J, actually, some think he's his twin. (But Ironically he's not.)

Mike: Natural Clavat, quiet type, works out a lot.

Okay, ON WITH THE STORY!

In Athens, the night before the departure:

"I'm bored?" Tommie actually said, although she put it in question form- she does that with everything she says.

"Yeah, we know, Tommie." said Chomper.

"Hey, where's J?" said Mikey as he walked into his room where the girls were sitting.

"Yeah, that's a good question. I wonder what he's doing."

"I think he said something about getting stoned with Billie Joe?" sasked Tommie. (Get it? Sasked? Said-asked! Hahaha! I kill myself!)

0.o

J and Billie Joe were on the latter's roof with a cloud of smoke around them.

"Hehehehe! Look at my hand!" giggled J as he waved his hand in front of his face.

0.o

"But when they both come back, we won't be able to tell which one is which!" yelled Chomper like the world was coming to an end.

"Will you shut up, Chomper?" yelled Mikey, although if you ask him he says yelling turns him on.

"I'm hungry?" sasked Tommie.

"Just shut up and listen to my lovely Green Day cd! I'll get us some food." Mikey sighed.

Tommie got overly excited about Green Day, and started moshing while jumping up and down on Mikey's bed.

0.o

"He's only thirteen!" Mikey's father yelled.

"Don't look at me that way, you're the one that gave him the talk!" Mikey's mother yelled at her husband.

0.o

There was a crash by Billie Joe's house. J had fallen off the roof and landed on top of some boxes.

"Oh, shit! You okay, dude?" Yelled Billie.

As a response J giggled, then passed out. Then Billie passed out, too.

0.o

Mikey walked into his room, and yelled at Tommie to get off his bed.

"Oreos!" yasked Tommie.

"FOOD!" yelled Chomper.

"Do you have any milk." asked Tommie, but she said it like a statement.

"You are so weird."

"I got dropped on my head when I was a baby?"

"Okay, I'll go get your milk, retard baby."

In Mika, same time:

Tripp and Chase had the other two over at their house. Currently Tripp and Chase were having a burping contest, and Bee was chuckling quietly at their antics.

"Uugh, gross. Why do I have to be the only girl in our caravan?" said Cali.

"If you don't like it, you can leave." said Chase after a belch that was about a half a minute long.

"No, if I'm going to spend a half of a year with you, I have to get used to you two."

"What... about..." said Bee, but he trailed off when Cali looked at him.

"You're okay, better than them." she said, and that made him blush, but of course, nobody could tell.

"A... B... C... D..." belched Tripp.

"Coke!" yelled chase, and he was thrown a coke from Bee.

"Lime!" yelled chase, and he was thrown a lime. He mixed them toegther and took a very long ime drinking the first sips.

"Put the lime in the coke, you nut!" he belched, which induced almost audible laughter from Bee.

"I can beat that!" yelled Tripp, but he fell over asleep that instant.

"Weird." said Cali.

In Egypt, same exact time:

Tre was sitting in Mike's room looking at one of Mike's many magazines, which were all better than his, because Mike was allowed to have them.

"Hey, who's this?" he said while looking at the November issue.

Mike considered it for a while, and then said, "I think it's Shallie, the lead singer for the band the Fum's."

"Hey, where's Billie Joe?" Tre asked while turning the magazine around so he could see a picture that folded out.

"I think he said somthing about staying home... Or buying a phone... Something with a long o in the last word." Mike said while flipping through a Victoria secret catalouge.

"Hehehe. Hey, Tre, this is your futere wife." He said wile pointing to a girl in the magazine. Tre took it, and it was a skinny girl in grandma panties.

"Shut up, fucker." Tre said while giving him the bird.

Outside, there was a loud crash, and a yell of, "Oh, shit! You okay, dude?"

"Sounds like Billie Joe." said Mike, "Let's go put his passed-out ass in his room."

Tre replied with, " 'Kay."

0.o

"J, dude, get up, you gotta get back to your house for tomorrow." was the first thing J heard.

"Shit..." was all he could manage.

"We'll help you to your house, come on."

0.o


	2. It just gets stranger!

Chapter 2

An: You like it? Good! Yay! On to the story!

In Athens:

"What the fuck." stated Tommie while rubbing her head.

"Drugged your milk." Mikey said guiltlessly.

"I don't like you?"

"Good to know." he said.

"Where's Chomper." she said.

"She just put all of our stuff on the caravan. She told me to wake you up and then go get J, so come on." he said while walking away.

J's room was very dark, filled with random drawings, mostly of girls. There were also pinups of random women, one of which Tommie recognized as the lead singer from the band The Fum's.

"Wake up?" Tmmie sasked J.

J opened one bloodshot eye and rolled over on his other side.

"Come on, J, wake up?" Tommie begged.

0.o (One hour later)

"J, please wake up!" yelled Mikey, who was turning himself on. (Remember, when he asked Chomper to stop yelling? Ahhh, good times.)

Mikey dragged Tommie to a corner, and whispered something in her ear.

"No!" she yasked.

Mikey just looked at her and she finally gave in. Tommie walked ove to the bed, got on top of J, and kissed him.

"HA!" yelled J as he rolled over and pinned her down. "I knew it would work!"

He made out with her against her will, and she got mad. Very mad.

Tommie reached up and tickled J. He finally backed off and Tommie flew to the wall and flattened herself against it with a look of horror on her face.

"You... Perv?" she managed before she started retching.

In Mika:

Tripp woke up and everybody was gone. He flew to the crystal, and panting, he looked around. His friends were walking twoard him, smiling. Tripp then realized he was only in his boxers.

"Having an affair with the crystal?" asked Cali, which made Bee laugh softly.

Tripp looked up and saw that he had both hands on the crystal, and he was panting. He flipped them off and turned to go home.

There was a yell of, "Look outside!" from a random girl, and all of the females that think Tripp is good looking looked outside hopefully. Tripp started running, and a mob of girls were chasing him. He made it home, and Chase slammed the door in their faces. He opened the curtains and flipped them off for his brother.

"Have you noticed they don't like me because I have purple hair?" Chase asked his brother.

Cali and Bee managed to get in through the back door, and locked that too, because when the fangirls realized that there was a door back there, they swarmed that, too.

"We have to leave." said Bee, his first words of the day.

"Yeah. Let's go." said Chase.

In Egypt:

"Come on BJ, wake up!" yelled Mike.

"Uugh, you know I fucking hate when you call me that." said Billie Joe, while rolling over to avoid the light of his window.

"Tre, help me out." said Mike calmly.

Tre bowed, and walked over to Billie Joe's bed.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, I say! It's time to start a brand new day! You know what it is we all SAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!" he sang while beating on poor little Billie Joe's head with drumsticks.

"Wake up, little fucker." whispered Tre into Billie's ear.

"Fine, fine, I'll wake up, I'll wake up! Jeez!" he yelled at his idiotic friend, but then rolled over.

Tre decided that what he just did wasn't acceptable, so he knocked Billie Joe off of his bed and made out with him furiously. Billie still didn't get up, so Tre started stripping him.

Billie Joe played along, and stripped Tre, but then Mike broke things up with a video camera.

Mike was laughing, Tre, was blushing, and Billie Joe was smirking.

"I didn't think you would play along!" Tre yelled and blushed harder as he pulled his pants back on.

"What can I say? I'm a bi." said Billie Joe, who smiled more, and pulled his shirt back on.

Mike was on the floor by now, and was crying.

"Wanna make him wet himself?" Tre asked Billie Joe.

0.o

"So, we're leaving mom? Bye?" Tommie said to her mom and joined her friends on the caravan.

J was checking his email on his laptop, which he could only bring if he shared with the others. Suddenly, he started laughing furiously.

"What's so funny?" Asked Chomper.

J just shook his head and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Finally, Tommie took the laptop, and saw what was so funny. Soon everyone was laughing so hard that they almost wet themsleves. Then came that part of the movie where Tre said, "Wanna make him wet himself?"

"I gotta pee?" laughed Tommie.

"Yeah, me too." everyone else agreed.

Then they stopped the caravan so everyone could use the bathroom, and then watch the movie again. It turns out at the end, Mike really does pee himself, and Billie Joe got it on camera, which induced more laughing.

"Hey guys, I think we should go find some myrrh?" sasked Tommie, but the others dismissed it.

"We got a half a year, why rush?" asked Mikey.

0.o

On the road, Tripp was very bored.

"Why couldn't we bring my laptop?" he asked.

"Because it would distract from finding the myrrh." said Cali, who was driving.

"And we aren't finding any today! So why not?"

"Just shut up and twiddle your thumbs, bitch."

Tripp did just that.

While Tripp was twiddling his thumbs, Chase asked his brother, "So, why are our names AAA and BBB? I mean, our real names?"

"I think the author was mad that the controller wasn't working with mine, and with yours, she was bored." Tripp replied.

"OH NO! I'M A BOREDOM CHARACTER!" yelled Chase, and jumped off the wagon.  
0.o

On the Egyptian caravan, Billie was driving, because nobody wanted to go near him, Tre was rocking back and forth in a ball in the back, and Mike was still laughing his ass off.

"Why did you let him hurt me, Mike? Why?" he said in a paranoid whisper, his blue eyes huge.

"I'm sorry Tre, but you were the one who started him hitting you."

"It was just a joke! I didn't mean to send out the movie, but now he is trying to kill me!" said Tre.

"Don't worry, buddy, he won't do it again." Mike said while trying to keep a straight face.

"Promise?" said Tre.

"Promise."

Tre twitched some, and fell asleep... Well, after all, he was exahuated... I mean first thing in the morning! How tiring!

Mike laughed again, because Tre was twitching in his sleep, saying things like, "NO, don't hurt me!" and yelling loudly.

Mike motioned for Billie Joe to come to the back.

"Okay, buddy, your turn to drive." he said to Tre.

Tre quickly scrambled up to the front, and sat in a strange sideways postion so he could see both the road and his now evil person he was afraid of.

0.o

By nightfall, Mikey found a nice place for the them to camp, and Tommie started a fire, and was unleashing her inner pyro by playing in it.

"Stop it, you'll burn yourself!" yelled Mikey, although he found it quite amusing when an ember landed on her skin and she swatted at it and cursed loudly.

He even rolled laughing when she caught her shirt on fire and had to jump in a nearby lake to put it out.

"Where's J."

Mikey looked at his watch. "It's past eight. He's probably getting stoned."

Tommie considered this when another caravan came up and parked on the road beside them.

"Hello, do you mind if we camp here?" asked a selkie with purple hair.

Tommie was too busy thinking how hott the stranger was, so Mikey answered, "Sure, there's enough room for everyone!"

Purple head went to set up the caravan, and the others got off and introduced themselves.

"I'm Tripp." said a selkie that looked a lot like Purple head.

"My name is Cali." said a small lilty.

"And this is Bobobo, but you can call him Bee. He's a little shy." smiled Tripp.

Then Purple head came back and introduced himself.

"Chase." he said.

"Well, we can have Tommie pyro help you make a fire, if you want." said Mikey.

"Sure!" said Tripp, "We love help when we can get it."

0.o

By the time the other caravan fell asleep, the three stooges, as J nicknamed them, arrived.

"TRE!" Tommie yelled to her best friend, and crush.

Mike put a finger to his lips as Tre fell out of the caravan, stumbled a few steps, then fell face first into a mud puddle. He blew bubbles in it as he snored.

Mike picked him up and laid him down face up on a dry patch of land.

"Rough day." he said.

"Yeah, we got the video." said Mikey.

"No. Billie Joe beat him because he sent out the video..."

Tommie and Mikey looked pained.

"Billie! HEY BILLIE?" Tommie screamed when Billie Joe got off of the caravan.

"Hey, Tommie. How you guys been?" he said to them.

"Ehh. Okay, I guess. She caught herself on fire." said Mikey.

Billie Joe laughed and said, "Yeah, sounds like you to try to burn yourself, little suicide commando."

Tommie flipped him off and went to go cook. (Oooh, three birds in one chapter)  
0.o

"Hey guys, I got us some more firewood!" Chomper yelled. "Oh, hey, Mike, I got the video. Hilarious."

"Can you not mention that around Tre? He's a little paranoid over that whole ordeal. Billie Joe beat him." Mike replied.

"Oh, okay. I'll tell J about that, too."

J fell out of the tree, and giggled. 

"Did someone say my name?"

"No, J, now go to sleep."

"Okay!" snore

Tre got up and looked very weak. He stumbled over to the fire and sat down beside it. Wiping off his face, he said quietly, "I'm hungry."

"You can have some of our leftovers." said Tommie, and everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

"What." she said.

"You said a sentance correctly!"

"Na?" sasked Tommie, then directed herself to her crush. "So, do you want some of our food?"

"You did it again!" yelled Mikey.

"No way?" sasked Tommie. 


	3. I warned you!

Chapter 3

AN: This is Tommie's own chapter, 'cause when I wrote it, it seemed to follow her around.

Tre, Mike, and Billie Joe had all eaten, and everyone was about to go to bed, but there was a problem.

"I'm not sleeping near him!"

"You can sleep in our caravan." said Tommie, who still was getting looks from the others.

"I swear, I have no idea what is so strange!" she yelled.

Tre put his sleeping bag in the Athens caravan, between Mikey and Tommie. He wouldn't let J near him, because he resembles Billie Joe too much.

Tommie was quite happy, because it was squished with Tre in there, and they were quite close. Tommie was almost asleep when the snoring Tre rolled over on top of her. It was hard for her to breathe, but she didn't wake him up. She did, however, get mad when he rolled off. He was pretty warm, and one small sleeping bag in the fall is not enough.

0.o

The first thing Tre saw was Billie Joe hovering over him, and he screamed and buried his face somwhere between his covers and Tommie's chest.

"J! You know you shouldn't scare him like that!" Tommie yelled defensively, as she slowly realized she talked in a normal way. "I'll be back in a minute, Tre."

0.o

"Mikey? Mikey? I know you're in there?" Tommie yelled as she banged on the three stooges' caravan.

Mikey popped out and looked at her.

"What?" he asked.

"Mikey, when I'm around Tre, like when he's really close, I can talk normal?" she said excitedly.

"Good, why don't you chain yourself to him." he said, mad that she interuppted his card game with the guys.

"Don't take that literally, Tommie!" Mike yelled after her.

0.o

When she opened the back door to her caravan, Tre jumped out and cowered behind her... Awfully close to her butt.

"J! Be nice to him!" Tommie yelled forcefully, and she could be taken seriously, because she was speaking correctly.

J grumbled and walked off, only to be tackled by Chomper.

"Get a room, idiots!" yelled Tre, although he saw the knife Chomper was holding.

J tried to get out of it by making out with Chomper, and they made out for a while, and then it was Tommie's turn to yell, "Get a room, freaks!"

J and Chomper walked away to who knows where to do who knows what for who knows how long. Tommie gagged and said something about how gross that was, but Tre wasn't listening. He cocked his head to one side, put a finger to his lips, and stalked off.

"Wonder what's his problem." Thought Tommie, as she walked over to the caravan from Mika, because the neglectful author forgot about them.

"See, I'm nice, I remember things?" sasked Tommie to the author.

It was last chapter since we mentioned them! Oh noes! Okay, whatever.

Tripp was having another belching contest with his brother, but stopped when Tommie came over.

"Hey, there, lady, what you doin' tonight?" he said slyly.

"Not you?" she said and kept walking.

Tripp looked as though he had bee punched in the stomach.

Tommie continued until she found Cali.

"Hey, Cali, wanna go swimming."

0.o

Tommie was swimming by herself, now, Cali had gone saying if you leave those two together alone, it can't turn out good. Tommie went underwater for a minute and then came back up. She saw someone running to the lake and then doing a cannonball in. After she was splashed, she saw Billie Joe.

"Hi, Billie. Anyone else coming, or is it just you."

"Tre and Mike are coming in a minute. Mike is still trying to convince Tre that I won't hurt him anymore."

"Oh?" Tommie said.

"WAHOO!" Mike yelled as he jumped off a high cliff and did a flip.

There was hardly any splash as he dove cleanly in the water, as on the other hand, Tre's belly flop made a huge splash.

"Didn't that hurt?" Billie Joe asked.

"Not really." he said.

Tommie and Billy Joe were having contests to see who could touch the bottom, and both of them lost. Tre swam by both of them and touched the bottom about five times before he got tired. Then he just floated around.

"So, when are we gonna get myrrh?" he asked Mike.

"Well, probably tomorrow." said Tommie.

Tommie got bored while she was floating around, so she started singing Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Billie Joe joined in, and Tommie looked at him while he kept singing after she stopped.

"What?" he asked.

"You sound just like the real Billie Joe!" she said.

"It's a gift." he said whle shrugging.

"Sure, mr. songbird." she said teasingly, which made him blush.

"So, Tommie, since I slep in your caravan last night, why don't you sleep in mine?" Tre said playfully.

"Where are the other two gonna go?" she said even more playfully.

"It's not our problem." said Tre, winking one of his pretty blue eyes.

"Uugh, gross, let's get out of here." whispered Mike to Billie Joe, and the latter nodded in agreement.

0.o

Mike and Billie Joe were hanging hammocks in trees as far away as possible from their caravan. One thing they learned was to not argue with Tre when he's horny. Which is a lot, but still.

"Whatch y'all doin?" said a voice... one that isn't that familiar. Who had a Southern accent?

Billie Joe turned around and saw the yuke, who was supposed to be the quiet one, actually talking to them.

"Making hammocks. We got kicked out of our own caravan." said Mike in an angry tone.

"Oh, well I usually come here when I'm bored. Good bye." he said and left as quickly as he had come.

"That was weird." said Billie Joe while tightening his ropes. 


	4. Chocolate peanut pie!

Chapter 4, same day

AN: Billie Joe's chapter! Yay!

"Hey, you know what was weird?" Billie Joe asked Chomper.

"What?" she asked.

"You know that weird guy that doesn't talk... Ever? Well he talked to me and Mike."

"Really? What does he sound like?"

"Well... He has a Southern accent." he said.

"Yeah, right." said Chomper, and walked off.

"No, come ba- aw, shit." Billie Joe said from lack of seducing anyone for quite some time.

"Hehe, you ai'n't got it in you anymore!" said Mike with his arm around some random girl he picked up. (Coughhookercoucgh)

0.o

Billie Joe felt left out. He was bored, and he felt almoast depressed.

"What's wrong?" Tre asked him, unaware that he was feeling left out.

"Nothing." He said.

"Well, okay. You comin' to dinner?"

"Na. Not hungry."

"Okay, well, see ya later." he said while walking away.

0.o

"Good night, Tre." said Mike in an forceful tone, because Tre was singing an awful song about him getting laid... and it only had three words. I'm, getting, and laid.

"Tre, why don't you go GET laid, instead of singing about it!" yelled Billie Joe.

" 'Kay, bye." said Tre, and he ran off.

"So Tre tells me you feel depressed... What's wrong?" said Mike as they both settled into their hammocks.

"I'm in love with someone I can't have." said Billie Joe.

"Come on, it can't be THAT bad." said Mike.

"I know I can't have them! They would kill me if they found out!" Billie looked up at Mike with tears shining in his eyes. Mike had never seen him like this before.

0.o

Billie Joe needed help. Just one of those people who if left out there for long enough, they start to crack. Mike hadn't gotten it out of him, yet, but he knew it was someone going on this trip. Who he was in love with, I mean. Mike also thought Billie Joe was a basketcase, and his mystery love could be some figment of his imagination.

Or it could be him. Mike was one of the paranoid types. He shivered and rolled over. 'Need... Sleeeeeeeep...' He thought.

0.o

The first thing Mike heard when he woke up was five crackling bangs, ang a huge thump. He opened one eye and saw Billie Joe laying on the ground with a silly grin on his face... Very similar to the one a toddler gets when he gets caught picking his nose or with his hand down his pants.

"Hey Mikey! I'm a woodpecker!" he yelled like the kid on the Life cereal commercial. 'Hey, Mikey likes it!'

"Muh name's not Mikey." said Mike with a yawn.

"Hehehe! Woodpecker is such a funny word." was Billie Joe's reply.

"Are you high?" said Mike.

"Na-uh, I'm perfectly low!" Billie laughed at his lame joke.

"What is your problem!" Mike yelled and kicked the tree. And then cursed while hopping around.

"MOMMY! YOU BROUGHT MY MEDICINES!" Billie Joe screeched.

"You take meds?" Mike said while still hopping. How he hated that tree.

"Yeah, they help me not go cukoo!" he said with that silly grin developing again.

"Guys! Where have you been!" Yelled Chomper from behind them. "One of you guys has to come get the myrrh!"

"I guess I'll go." said Mike. "This one's crazy, and the other one is sleeping like a rock."

"Hehe! I broke a window with a rock, once." Billie Joe said in his crazy babbling voice.

0.o

"Uugh, you're like a two year old!" said Tripp, who was put in charge of Billie Joe while Cali, Mike, and Chomper went to go get the myrrh.

"Two! Foo! Blue! Shoe!" said Billie Joe.

"I'm not ready to be a father!" yelled Tripp.

"Oh, come here, did mean Trippy yell at you? Let uncle Chase hold you up." said 'uncle' Chase.

"Hehehe! Wheeee! I'm flying! Hahaha!" said Billie Joe.

0.o

"Why are there no monsters?" said Chomper.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask them." said Cali.

"That was the dumbest comeback I have ever heard!" said Mike in a Simon Cowell voice.

"It was spurr of the moment, let's see you do better!"

"Cali, you scared them off with your temper!" said Mike.

Cali made the 'up yours' guesture and kept walking.

0.o

Tripp paced around. He was gonna be in so much trouble.

"Mornin', what did I miss?" said Tre who finally woke up. His hair was sticking up on the left side, also, so it looked like he spiked up his bangs.

"Well, breakfast, Billie Joe going crazy, and lunch." said Chase.

Tre looked at his watch. "HOLY CRAP, it's THREE in the afternoon?"

"Yeah, what made you so tired, anyways?"

"I a'in't sayin'." said Tre as he crossed his arms and leaned against the caravan, but to his misfourtune, Tommie came out of the wagon at that time.

She yawned widely and kissed Tre deeply. Tripp giggled.

"Hey, what's up with Billie?" He asked.

"I'm confuzzled!" Billie Joe yelled while hanging upside down from a tree by a rope.

"Confuzzled is my word, gayfer!"yelled Tommie and climbed up the tree to beat Billie Joe up.

"EEEP! Mommy, did you bring my medicines?" he yelled as he was getting hit in the face.

"You take meds." Tommie said while shaking her hand out- she acidentally punched the tree. Bad tree, bad!

"How many times do I have to say this! Yes, they make me not cukoo!" he said after letting out an angry sigh.

0.o

AN: Why did Billie Joe go crazy? Will they be able to fix him? Of course, but isn't it fun to think of a world with a crazy clavat on the loose? Well, there already is one, J!

AN #2: The 'two, foo, blue, shoe' thing is from some cartoon my step-nephew was watching, but the ryme was with 'solution', Uncle Chase is from my step sister, who said that to my step neice, 'I a'in't sayin' is from my friend, confuzzled is my word, but I sold it to Tommie, and gayfer is a word that my other friend made up. 


	5. The Quest For Billie Joe's Meds!

Chapter... Which on are we on, now, five? Yes, 5.  
The Quest for Billie Joe's Anti-Crazy Meds. (Yay!)

"Have you noticed that we haven't been in the story for a while?" said J.

Yeah, well I wanted to focus on Billie Joe's crazyness.

"What kind of an author names their character Billie Joe, anyways?" argued Mikey. (Yay, Mikey's back!)

One that loves Green Day, that's what kind!

"Well, can you make him dye his hair again? He's turning blonde!" yelled J.

Sure... For a price... Does the Dr. Evil pinky thing.

"Okay, the author scares me, now." said Mikey as he threw Billie Joe onto the caravan, who wasn't struggling against him, but rather singing a quite humorous version of Give Me Novacaine.

"Can't reamember a freaking thing!  
Two plus two is overwhelming!  
Give me medicines tonight and everything will be alright.  
Tell me that I'm special anyway 'So gimme back my brain."

When Mikey and J heard the song, they laughed for quite a while. Mikey was rolling around on the ground untill Billie Joe popped out and said, "Come, preciousess! I need my precious meds!"

Mikey and J laughed more, and jumped in the caravan.

They drove up to Billie Joe's caravan, and banged on the door.

"I don't care what you're doing, Tre, we need you to come with us!" yelled Mikey.

Tre walked out with his hair sticking up in the back, his shirt on sidways, and he yawned.

"Sorry, I was... taking a nap." he said.

"You can do it! You can do it all night long!" yelled Billie Joe.

Tre blushed and went back inside. Two seconds later, he and Tommie both walked out looking like normal.

"OOOOOOH! I WISH I WAS AN OSCAR MYER WEENER! 'CAUSE THEN I WOULD BE SO FREAKING SEXY!" yelled Billie Joe with the now trademark silly grin on his face.

"Yeah, crazy people really turn me on." said Tre sarcastically.

"I'm Brittany Spears! Do me, baby!" yelled Billie Joe and tackled Tre.

"Get in the caravan, you two!" yelled Mikey like an angry mother.

"And leave my Tre alone!" yelled Tommie.

Billie Joe and Tre got back in and Tre stayed as far as possible from him.

"Where we goin'?" asked Tommie.

"Loony bird forgot his meds." said Mikey.

"You take meds?" a random bird said while falling to the ground. He had flown into the tree that causes so much pain.

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Billie Joe, and then said quietly, "Yeah, they make me not cukoo!"

"Are you getting this on camera, J?" Tre asked his newfound friend.

"You bet, buddy!"

"Wait until we show him this!" said Tommie.

0.o

"Well, it's taken us a day, but we got to Billie's house. Alright, where's your pills, bud?" said Mikey.

"Up yours! Hehehehe!"

"Billie Joe, tell us where the hell your medicines are!"

"Uuuuh... In the cabinet!"

"Which one?" asked Tre.

"The one waaaaaaaaaaaaaay up there!" he pointed.

"That's going to take us forever!" yelled J.

"STOP YELLING, YOU'RE TURNING ME ON!" yelled Mikey.

"Sorry!"

"Don't be sorry, just shut up!"

"SORRY!"

"Hey, guys?"

"Not now, Tre, we're getting his meds!"

"Guys?"

"I said not now!"

"WE FOUND HIS PILLS!" Tre yelled exasperatedly.

"Where?" said J and Mikey from the top cabinet.

"In his bedroom."

"Gross."

"Shut up, it's not like you've never done it, J."

"Well... Cough" J said.

"Hehehe! We have a virgin boy in the area!" yelled Billie Joe.

"Take these." said Mikey, haning him the pills.

"I need wa-wa!" said Billie Joe.

"Uugh, we have to find water, too?" said Mikey.

"I'm so ronry, so ronry, so ronry and sadry arone. It's kinda sirry, but not rearry..." sang Billie Joe. (King Jong Il sang it in Team America, World Police.)

"Shut up!" yelled Mikey.

"Make me." said Billie Joe.

"Hey, here's your water, now take your meds." said Tommie, who found a glass of water.

"No!"

"For Christ's sake, Billie, TAKE YOUR PILLS!" yelled Tre.

"Ok." he said.

0.o An: Uuuh... Dr. Evil pinky thing belongs to Mike Myers, Give Me Novicaine is by Green Day, 'You can do it all night long!' is from some movie nobody likes, The Oscar Myer Weener song was made up by Oscar Myer, Do me, baby! belongs to Brittany Spears, but first belonged to some funky disco band, the Loony Bird is a sandwich at Loco's Deli and Pub, So ronry song is from Team America World Poliece, and wa-wa belongs to Helen Keller. Oh, and I think the 'don't be sorry, just shut up' belongs to Family guy. Not sure, though. 


	6. I'm a bi but that doesn't mean im gay!

Chapter 6

An: Did you know I have written all these chapters over the course of two days? When I get started, I crank chapters out really fast.

Tripp was having a contest with his brother to see who could hold their breath longer, and they held their breath for an hour until they passed out, and Cali had to throw them into the water to revive them.

"How can you hold your breath for that long?" she asked Chase.

"Easy. Cheat for the first fifty five minutes and hold your breath for the last five."

0.o

"Oh, my back hurts?" complained Tommie.

"Yeah, mine does, too." said Chomper.

"It's really way down there, you know what I mean." asked Tommie.

"Crap!" said Chomper.

"What's the matter?" asked Mikey.

"It's none of your business, crapface?" yelled Tommie.

"Jeez, no need to be cruel to me." he said.

"Hey, do you have any chocolate?" asked Chomper.

"No, why would I have any chocolate?" asked Mikey.

"I don't know!" said Chomper with shiny tear-filled eyes. "I thought you might, is all."

"What is wrong with you two?" asked Mikey and went away to go get help.  
0.o

Tripp, Chase, Bee, Tre, Mike, Mikey, J, and Billie Joe were all sitting cross-legged in a semicircle staring at the two girls.

"I got it!" yelled Chase after they had been thinking for quite some time.

"What, what?" asked the others excitedly.

"An alien has posessed them!"

"Nope, try again?" sasked Tommie.

"Uhhhh..." said Billie Joe. "They could be a little shaken after my crazy spell." he said these words in a calm sort of way, he had accidentally taken two pills instead of one.

"No."

"Oh, well." he said like Cleaveland from Family Guy.

"Bug bite?" asked Mikey.

"No?" sasked Tommie.

"Oh, come on!" yelled Cali, who had been sitting with the girls.

"We give up." said Bee.

"It's obvious!" said Cali, making sure she rubbed it in.

"Duh, you're a girl!" said Mike.

"It's obvious they have PMS, you idiots!"

There was a resonating 'EEW' from several of the more immiture boys, and then they got over it.

"Oh, I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier..." said Mike, afraid that he might get hit.

"Thank you for apologizing?" said Tommie.

0.o

"This is the life." said Chomper.

"Yeah." Tommie replied with her face bried in a pillow.

Chomper looked up at Cali, who was laughing. She found it amusing that all of the boys were acting like servants to the two girls. Tre and Tripp were giving them back rubs, Billie Joe and Mikey were bringing them sodas, and Bee, Chase, Mike, and J were telling funny stories to keep them amused... All because they were scared of them.

"What about you?" Chomper asked her.

"Last week." Cali replied coolly.

"Lower... Waaay lower. NOT THAT LOW!" Tommie commanded Tre, who got a scared look on his face when she yelled at him.

"Thanks, you guys are great." said Chomper while getting up.

"Yeah, I'll call if I need you." Tommie said while getting up to follow Chomper.

0.o

"Did you see how scared they were?" asked Chomper.

"Yeah, they were all 'Don't hurt us'?"

"It's fun to have athourity!"

"Yeah?" Tommie said.

"Well, I'm going to go take a nap, okay?"

"Okay?" Tommie sasked.

0.o

The caravans were heading for the town up ahead. When they got there, there was trouble getting in.

"What do you mean, what is my name!" yelled Billie Joe.

"Just tell me your name, son, we need to document it." said the gatekeeper. (Is that the right word?)

"Joe. Billie Joe."

He got a weird look, so he said it in a Southern accent. "Billee Jow."

Still not right. "Beely Joe."

He tried a Jamaican accent, "Billuh Joo."

"BILLIE JOE!" he yelled at the man, and finally, he understood.

"Lord, Jesus, what was his problem?" he asked Mike.

"Hey, Billie Joe, we need to show you something when we get into our rooms at the inn." said Tre, which made Mike giggle in remembrance.

"I a'in't watchin' that again!" said Billie Joe.

"No, it's something different, we promise!" said Mike.

"Okay, whatever."

0.o

All of the caravaners were in the room that belonged to the three stooges, watching the video that Tre and J made (That rymed!) and laughing hysterically. Even Billie Joe cracked a smile, though he wouldn't admit that he thought it was funny.

The movie consisted of all of the time, from the first "HEY MIKEY, I'M A WOODPECKER!" to a very large closeup of the tree that causes so much pain.

"Hey Mike..."

"Yeah?"

"You suck."

"I know."

0.o

Tre was banging on the table with drumsticks, Mike was banging his feet against the chair, and Billie Joe was banging his head against the wall.

"Hey, could you guys be quiet? We're trying to watch a movie." said J, who was staying in a room with Tommie and Chomper, but Mikey was there to make sure that he wouldn't get out of control.

"What are you watching?" said Tre.

"Chimbly Two- Revenge of the Titty Clown."

"Oh, is it scary? I heard the girls screaming." Mike asked.

"Yeah, once it was the movie... But the other times they were screaming because Chomper walked in on Mikey in the bathroom." J said smiling widely.

Mike laughed and said, "Can I come watch it with you guys?"

"Sure, I guess."

0.o

The movie was over, and Mike and Billie Joe had left to go back to their room. Tre had stayed to talk with Tommie and Chomper, and all three of them had fallen asleep. Mikey and J were trying not to laugh as Tre sucked his thumb in his sleep.

"And we'll parade around the naeighborhood and delight both young and old with our saucy banter!" said the TV.

Mikey and J let out a laugh which caused Tommie to sit up and say, "Hey, can you guys be quiet?"

"Yeah, sure." said Mikey, who turned the TV off.

J watched Tommie settle back into Tre's arms before he turned off the light. He wondered how someone could fall in love so fast.

0.o

Billie Joe woke up and found himself tied to a chair.

"Okay, now today is the day." said Mike.

"What do you mean?" asked Billie Joe.

"You're telling me who you like."

"It's none of your business."

"Tell me NOW!"

"No, you won't like it!"

"I don't care who it is, just tell me who you like!"

"Okay." said Billie Joe. "It's-"

0.o

The light fell on Tre's face. He looked over at Tommie.

"No. Don't open the bathroom door, Chomper!" she mumbled in her sleep.

Tre snuggled in closer to Tommie and felt rather than heard her snoring. Her snoring diead away.

"You idiot! You pressed the history eraser button!" Tommie said in her sleep. Then she stretched out and opened her eyes.

"Hmm...? Uhh... Wha... Give a larbage." Tre sighed as he woke back up.

"What's a larbage?" smiled Tommie.

"Oh... I think something about it was on TV last night." he said.

"Oh. Well, good morning." said Tommie.

"Mornin'." said Tre beofre he kissed Tommie.

0.o

"So you like who?" Mike said.

"T-Tommie. That's why I know I would get killed if I was found out. Now... Do you like anyone?"

"Yeah. Remember that girl in our village. The one that's a year younger than us? Yeah, her."

"I feel so bad. I kind of wish I was crazy again. Less painful." said Billie Joe.

"So why do you like Tommie, she's not that pretty." said Mike.

"Well, it started two years ago... She kissed me once and I was hooked. But the problem was I just wanted to be friends. Now I don't though..." said Billie Joe.

"I see." said Mike while lying on one of the beds like a counsolor. "So how does that make you feel?"

"Well... It makes me..." but Billie Joe couldn't finish he just started crying.

"Oh, don't feel bad, she has to leave Tre some time!" Mike tried to comfort him.

"WaaaAAAhaaaa! I need a hug, Mike! Aaaaaahhaaaaa! I'm a wreck! Just kill me off now! " Billie Joe sobbed.

"I'm not going to kill you, but I will hug you, Billie Joe." said Mike, who hugged the Billie Joe that (May I bring to your attention?) was still tied to the chair.

"What the hell is going on in here?" asked Tre, who walked in after what looked like a makout session with Tommie.

Billie Joe just cried more when he saw Tre, and Mike asked him to come talk to him outside.

"Billie Joe is upset because he is in love with someone he can't have is all."

"I've never seen him cry before." said an awestruck Tre. "Who is this mystery woman?"

"You wouldn't know her. But I think I need to help him out. You go have fun with J and the guys, alright?" said Mike.

" 'Kay, bye." said Tre, who walked off.

0.o

"Okay, Billie Joe, if you want her to like you, you need to make yourself look somewhat presentable. Like dye your hair black again."

"It's in my bag." he said while sniffing.

"Okay, uhh... Looks like I'll be your fashion designer." said Mike.

"Hey! Just becase I'm a bi doesn't mean that I am gay!" of course, that made no sense.

"Okay, so I'll be the person who makes you look better."

"Better."

0.o (Many different outfits and hair dying steps later.)

Billie Joe looked in the mirror.

"So you think this'll work?" he said.

"Yeah, if not for Tommie, at least some other girl." Mike said while looking at his clothes. "You know what, you need one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Close your eyes, and no matter what you feel, don't open them, okay?" Mike asked.

"Uuuh, sure I'll try."

"Okay, close your eyes, now."

Billie Joe closed his eyes and felt something cold and liquidy around his eyelashes. Then he felt Mike's finger dragging agaisnst his eyelids.

"Okay, open them now."

Billie Joe looked at his reflection.

"What the fuck is that around my eyes?" he asked.

"Eyeliner. Tommie said she likes guys who wear makeup. Not blush and crap, but eyeliner and stuff." Mike said.

"You know what. I'm almost comperable to the real Billie Joe."

"Yeah, you know, you're right. How's it feel being a punk?" said Mike.

"Not any different, to tell the truth."

0.o

"W-OW! Billie Joe what happened to you." Tommie said after she fell out of the tree in shock.

"Eeh. Nothing really." he said while leaning against the tree.

"Oh. You look... Better... I have to go?" she said before running off.

'Yes! I've got her!' thought Billie Joe.

0.o

Tommie started banging her head on the wall of her room. 'Why me?' she thought. 'To be stuck in the middle of a freaky little love triangle.'

Mike walked in and sat on her bed. "So you know, huh?" he said.

"What. Know what. I'm upset because I'm in a stupid love triangle and don't know who to choose?"

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

"Thought so?" said Tommie.

"You should have seen him yeaterday. Bawling like a baby." Mike said with a smile on his face. (AN: First time I wrote that it said a 'laugh' on his face. How can a laugh be on your face?)

"Gosh, I cause too much pain?" she sasked.

"Yeah." Mike looked at her shirt. It said Green Day, American Idiot. "What's an American, anyways?" he asked.

"Uhhh...? I think it's a color?" she sasked.

"OoooOoooh. Makes sense." Mike said.

"My hands smell like cucumber, and I don't know why?" she said randomly.

"Do you even like cucumbers?"

"No, not really?" she said.

"You are so weird." he said.

0.o

An: Cleavland is from Family Guy, Billie Joe and the gatekeeper problem is from Fletch 2, the part where he goes into the party and the guy asks him his name, Titty Clown is copyrighted by my five year old cousin who was telling nonsenical jokes, and American is a color is from my friend. 


End file.
